I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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