check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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