Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
