People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
