She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
