Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You're a waste of cheezeits
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
