I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
