after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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