I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
