That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
