I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
