Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
