really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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