Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
