they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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