god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
