so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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