I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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