Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
