i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize