I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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