yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
