lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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