Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
