Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
