Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
