seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
