We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
