So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
