im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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