if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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