I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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