I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
