do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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