Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Randomize
