whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm sobbing to NWA
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
