he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
