Screwed.edu
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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