now i know why i became what i already was.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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