Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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