A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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