it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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