Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
