I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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