The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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