Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
