I faked an abortion last night.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
