dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
