dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
