so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
