my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
