there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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