I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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