I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
