I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
