The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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