She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
