It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
