Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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