just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
