I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
