weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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