I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
