I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
