Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
