I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
