Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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