but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
