I will die if light touches me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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