And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
