hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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