May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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