So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
