be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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