Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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