i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
