girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
